“In this climate you need to stand out from the crowd,” snarls Britain’s favourite entrepreneur, Michael Caine sound-a-like and greying Travolta chin twin. As the thumping cellos and booming violins screech to a halt, episode four of the business buffoonery we call The Apprentice gets under way.
This time it’s Stuart who answers the early morning phone call, sheltering under a vase of flowers so enormous that it even manages to partly obscure Baggsitandbinit’s enormous rubbery face. Apparently they’ve got a hot date at the Science Museum, so it’s back in to that ubiquitous fleet of black cabs (I’m starting to suspect that S’rAlan’s sons may be called Addison and Lee).
“Science museum, so it’s probably going to be something to do with science… or museums,” muses the frighteningly astute Hollyoaks Jamie. This is a man who knows how not to shit out of his elbow, and no mistake.
“All these great inventions started off as someone’s crazy idea,” Alan tells the team. A crazy idea like a hulking great DOS computer that eats cassette tapes and craps out glowing green letters, eh Sugar? Boy were you backing the right crazy horse on that occasion.
Inspired by their sci-fi surroundings the teams are told to sell the product of the future to major retailers. Or ‘traders’ as SugarDaddy insists on calling them. Great scot! The Apprentice is finally knocked up with Dragons Den’s illegitimate lovechild and we’re all here to witness the birth. Rubber gloves at the ready; this one’s going to be messy.
According to Alanstrad, this week’s task is all a case of matching the right product to the right retailer. So, no Tampax at the Toyota garage or mirror balls at the morgue.
Surprisingly, Su Pollard stand-in Mel wants to prove herself as Synergy team leader, yet again. And so does Hollyoaks Jamie, yet again. Déjà vu? Bah oui! This time, however, the estate agent beats the hairdresser hands down. Is that a shit-storm I see brewing on the horizon?…
Nell Frizzell
First published, Offices.org.uk, October 2010
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