And so, everybody’s favourite screenprint, Barack Obama, has finally passed a Healthcare Reform Bill.
The good news is that Americans can now afford to get ill. The bad news is that Democrats had to include anti-abortion amendments to get it through.
There is, however, another, less talked about consequence of Healthcare Reform. Yes, my friends, I am talking about zorbing. Zorbing, sky-diving, wingsuit flying, bungee jumping, base jumping, white water rafting and any other X-Treme sport you care to mention.
National Health Services breed X-Treme sports.
As a child of the land of the long white cloud (if by paternity only), I have been aware for years that the ability to get stitched up, drugged up, cleaned up and fixed up for free makes you exponentially more likely to throw yourself out of a plane wearing little more than a sleeping bag and pair of snorkeling goggles.
Call me square, but I think that jumping off a bridge, with only a very big rubber band between you and certain death, is much more attractive if you believe that someone will scrape your broken collection of bones off the ravine floor afterwards, without asking for a hefty cheque.
You are far more likely to try cycling off a cliff, or climbing a sheet of ice, if you don’t have to sell a kidney to pay for surgery on a broken pelvis.
Only when you can be certain of free emergency medical care would running off a cliff while holding on to a large pointy tent (skydiving) seem like a good idea.
So, my friends, whilst I applaud any attempt to bring America in to the modern, civilised world; while I agree that punishing the poor with death is perhaps slightly unfair; I must warn you that this way X-Treme zorbing lies.
Before long, Joe Biden will be living in a VW van, smoking a bong, wearing velcro and planning his next totally shit-streaking bare-foot ride down Tamata Peak using a kite, a baking tray and a blow torch.
America – you have been warned.
Nell Frizzell
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