As your friendly neighbourhood feminist I am often asked what the ‘big issues’ in modern feminism are. Often I’m asked it like this:
“Haven’t you got bras to be burning, racehorses to throw yourself in front of, etc?”
To which, of course, I answer
“Oh come on, feminism has moved on loads since the suffragettes. These days we burn breast implants and throw ourselves under Qashqais” (which, by the way, are cars for cunts and should be banned.)
But let us be serious for a moment.
Equal pay
Sex trafficking
Domestic violence
Rape conviction rates
These are some of the issues that still need attention. So, here is a conversation in which a pillar of the society and I Sort It Out.
Pillar of the Community: I’m as incensed as you about pitiful rape conviction rates, but I don’t see any practical solution. Conviction, and certainly the meting out of sufficient punishment, requires a burden of proof which will be unattainable in many many cases of rape.
Education of young males is the answer methinks.
Me: Especially until the public attitude towards sexual assault goes beyond the suspicion plus titillation combination that seems to prevail in the media.
Pillar of the Community: OK I’m going to throw this out there. It might be nonsense, but it’s my theory.
Imagine two hypothetical but all-too-common occurrences
1) a man waits in the bushes by a canal, waits for a woman to walk past, drags her out of sight and rapes her
2) 19yr old, upstairs at a party, we were both drunk, she didn’t exactly say yes but she didn’t exactly say no, either way we were both out of it
Now, I think we can easily persuade people, and by people I mean “young males” that number one is pretty heinous. But the problem with number two is I think men have a conceptual problem with the idea of “being raped”
Me: And women too. I think all young people’s attitude to number two is problematic.
Pillar of the Community: I think to the male mind, rape is “sex you don’t want”.
The guy from number 2 wakes up next day, thinks “eep, probably shouldn’t have done that, but hey, we had sex, she’ll get over it”
“sex is still sex right”?
Me: And the girl thinks ’shit, I really wish that hadn’t happened. But then, I did let it happen. So I’m as much to blame’
Perhaps. Maybe they don’t.
However, I do think that a lot of young women define themselves, or feel defined, by their sexuality. To a huge extent, we are told that having sex is what we’re here for. Which makes the idea that refusing sex is a valid and necessary thing quite difficult to translate.
Pillar of the Community: Men don’t / can’t grasp the psychological / emotional damage.
Me: I do think that the total commodification of casual sex has made the whole rape issue trickier. If a woman is willingly defining herself as a sexual being, possibly even sexual object (the American Apparel ‘Best Bum campaign, for instance) she will then feel like a hypocrite if she says she was forced in to sex.
Education of all young people is vital. Even if that is just education about advertising and journalism, so they can see the cracks and the tricks and don’t just take it on wholesale.
Pillar of the Community: Like how, when the media finds a particularly titillating sex story – older teacher / younger student etc – we get a nice juicy blow-by-blow account of everything that happened. While remaining suitably appalled, of course.
Me: The same is true of sexual abuse. People are pretty shameless about the titillation of sexual abuse. While remaining appalled.
Pillar of the Community: I can imagine some kind of sex licence, like a driving licence. You get points for misbehaving. That’s a terrible idea. But hey, at least it was an idea.
1 point for blaming your partner for poor sexual performance
1 point for selfishness in bed
2 points if you fail to bring your own contraception
2 points for failure to attend sexual health screening
3 for pestering your girl into something she’s not keen on
6 for “she didn’t really want to go that far”
And then if you get 12 points you lose your licence. And it becomes illegal for you to have sex.
Then when you went on a date, you could ask to see his card. You could say, hmmm, 3 points. Well I’m certainly not going be pestered into THAT, but if you’re good at the other stuff then we’re OK.
The only question is, would you have to take a test to get your licence?
Me: It would, of course, create a black market of ‘off licence’ or ‘without papers’ sexual bandits. But that’s where the sex police come in.
So there you have it: A Quick Guide to Solving the Rape Problem.
By Nell Frizzell and a Pillar of Society
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