Another inspired illustration by the enormously talented Narcsville and a quick Valentine’s Day article for Leeds Guide
As a fat and lustful teenager I came to the somewhat misguided decision that the best way to attract boys was to wear their clothes. Not in the sexy ‘boyfriend blazer’ sense, or in the smug ‘I’m wearing the hoodie of the man I went home with last night’ way either. I mean, I went in to boy’s clothes shops and bought the same jeans, the same jumpers and the same trainers as my latest infatuation.
As most of the boys I fancied as a youth were what Avril Lavigne would call sk8r bois, I therefore spent those fragile adolescent years dressed in massive combat trousers, spherical skate shoes and some of the world’s most unflattering hoodies (one that I bought from Sweden said ‘Krocker’ across the front and I thought it was ace).
So it will be of no surprise to you when I say that I didn’t actually have sex until I was seventeen and had finally stopped dressing like Shaun Ryder.
But may I say, I am not the first to fall into this trap. I remember extremely well the Strokes-loving boys of 2001 wearing tight t-shirts, girl’s jeans and highlighted haircuts that can be best described as ‘The Rachel’. I also remember the indie-loving boys of 1996 wearing plastic necklaces, flowery t-shirts and fantastic quantities of eye make-up. And who can forget the low-cut boy tops and gold chain necklaces of 2007?
Furthermore, once you do manage to fool someone in to long term commitment, suddenly the need for separate wardrobes seems to go the same way as separate beds, analysing text messages and meals for one – straight out the window. Instead you find yourself ‘borrowing’ their Bowie t-shirt, their woollen jumper or their jeans.
So, this Valentine’s Day why not combine the mighty power of adolescent and coupled-up dressing and go to work in your dream date’s outfit? It’ll help you spot them, even if it is just in the mirror.