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Monthly Archives: August 2010

As If Being Trapped Half A Mile Underground Wasn’t Bad Enough

Now those poor Chilean miners have to try and sort out Plan B’s accent.
Benjamin Paul Ballance-Drew, to give him to full title, got trapped several months ago in a strong estuary accent after two hundred tonnes of critical attention collapsed over his performance in ‘Harry Brown’ and his 2006 album Who Needs Actions When You’ve [...]

Florence Rose Endellion: The Cameron Baby Name Game

According to my new Cameron model for baby-naming – place conceived + flower + place born – I would be called…
Clapham Hogweed Tooting
A fine name.
Nell Frizzell

Give That Girl A Column

Well, paint my legs and call me grandma, I’m a columnist! Those lovely, generous and wildly optimistic people over at Ideas Tap have made me their entertainment columnist!
I have never been so pleased, nervous and surprised.
Here is my latest column. You can read it in situ, as well as find out about all their amazing [...]

Sex and Death in Walthamstow Market

For just £4.70, you could hold the whole spectrum of mortality in your hand.
There’s nothing like some beef-stuffed rice pastry to put the spring in my sausage, if you know what I mean. Especially when it comes with a side order of oven chips and the recommendations of a horny chef.
And who can forget the [...]

The Goggle Box

As I have no doubt mentioned before, I write a regular column for a fashion and workwear trade magazine. This is my most recent piece:

If eyes are windows to the soul, then goggles, glasses and masks must surely be the curtains. Or perhaps the Venetian blinds to the soul. Or maybe even soul shutters.

V.P.C

“Remind me to hairspray my face when we get off, to stop my make-up from running. I don’t want to do it on here in case someone’s got asthma.’
I should have known, at this point, that V Festival was going to be different. The girl sitting across from me on the train had re-applied her [...]

Slave to the Machine

Let’s see. Menu, cancel, start, stop, index, go to, jog, clear, up, down.
Food, reading, running, working, mood swings.
Yes, this machine found in a skip in North London is definitely controlling my life. And it’s not even as good looking as Zoltar.
Nell Frizzell

Expend Peanuts; You Get Monkeys

You’re right. That is Mickey Rourke penetrating Sylvester Stallone from behind. And yes, he is sporting a Nicole Appleton circa 2006 hairdo. And yes, Sly seems to have a fully erect penis for a forearm.
And do you know what? That’s why The Expendables is the best film you’ll see all year. In fact, The Expendables [...]

Festivals: How To Feel V Old

As adolescent fingers across the country fumble, not around someone’s bitterly confusing underwear, but through enveloped A-Level results, thoughts must inevitably turn to that king of the celebration/commiseration knees up, V Festival.
Falling as it does just days after the release of those pivotal summer exam results, V Festival was where I spent the third August [...]

Hipster Retirement

Last night the lovely Rod Stanley, editor at Dazed and Confused, told his followers on Twitter that he was “So sick of the word ‘hipster’. Seems like it’s been ten years of endless articles sneering at young people interested in music, art, fashion, fun etc as ‘hipsters’, like that’s some sort of strange [...]