I love the NHS. I love midwives. And it was an honour to speak to one about what actually happens on the business side of your cervix. You can read the official edited version online here.
Or an unedited version below…
The miracle of birth is, if not prosaic, then certainly a daily occurrence for the nation’s midwives. As health budgets are tightened and birth rates increase, many of us may forget what the delivery person sees, smells and get soaked in up to four times a day. Some expectant mothers may even worry that they’re going to do something that will shock or disgust this army of birth experts. But the truth is quite the opposite. We spoke to a typical London midwife to find out what work at the coalface of colostrum and cervixes actually looks like. And to reassure you that, honestly, they’ve seen it all before.
Women should not be embarrassed about pooing in front of their midwife. “We literally don’t give a shit – it doesn’t faze us,” my midwife friend says, smiling. “You just deal with it. You get a pad out, catch it and get rid of it. It’s absolutely fine – and a good sign. It’s our normality.” You see, when the baby’s coming down it presses against the rectum and that may force a shit out.